Good morning,

I am coming to you guys at 6AM CST wondering how it has been 18 days since my last post. Where has the time gone?

Anyway, I wanted to take the time to thank you all who’ve visited this blog and have liked the posts. It is much appreciated!

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With that said, can we talk about how important it is to do things from the inside out?

Think about those people who get surgery to remove weight, but then gain it all back. Or those people who use a weight loss program and succeed in their goals, but then gain the weight back. It tells me that the change was never from the inside out. If you still have the same mindset, then how are you really going to change?

Another example are those broke people who win the lottery and then go insane. If you don’t have the mindset to handle riches then you will eventually end up wasting all of that money.

The real message in this is to not try to take the easy way out. A gradual change in mindset will change your lifestyle. No, you won’t lose 20 pounds in 10 days, but when you eventually drop that 20 pounds, you won’t gain it back.

You might not have thousands of dollars saved up in the bank just yet, but with small deposits and some time, you could have a real money cushion.

I hope that helped someone.
..Okay, bye.

Hello All! I am apologizing now for taking so long to post. I have moved into my new apartment, and it has taken a toll on my mind. I had to make sure everything was in order and that all of the responsibilities have been taken care of. Due to my massive planning, I ended up moving myself into my new place in a really seamless way. It’s kind of weird how well everything went, but yeah.

Now I am a week in, and I have adjusted pretty well.

With that said, I have a lot to learn to about love.

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I find myself wanting to say that I don’t know how to love. But in my heart I know that I would be lying. I would be lying for the sake of appearing as some dramatic dark soul who only tolerates stuff and therefore is only tolerated by the people around him.

What I can honestly say is that to some degree, I don’t really know what love is. What’s the difference between loving yourself vs loving your family? How does loving your family differ from loving your friends? How does loving your friends differ from loving the love of your life?

The answer to these questions feel so far away. Like I would have to search through a pile of sharp needles to locate the heart shaped pushpin.

I think that there are multiple levels of love. So that answers part of the different types of love. But then what happens when you love someone that you don’t like? Or when you like someone, but you don’t love them?

I am perplexed just writing this. It’s like one of those confusing things that we all accept and move on from like it doesn’t matter. But it does matter. It has to. I think.

I know for a fact that I love my parents and my siblings. I love them because I know them. I may not know everything, but I know enough about there personalities and their ticks. I know their habits and how they think. They may not do everything I would prefer for them to do, but I love them.

But then friends come along. I like them, but do I love them? Sometimes I feel like I don’t truly know them, so I’m not sure.

Insert my friends from high school that I’ve known for over 10 years. Insert my old roommate that I’ve known for over 2 years. Insert my coworkers that I’ve known for almost a year.

I don’t know what my friends from high school do now. We don’t really talk much, but we do share common interests. We have memories to pull from, but I don’t see us making any new memories.

My old roommate and I have gone our separate ways, and I can see us growing apart. I am often home, where I like to be. He’s often out with his other friends that he has more in common with. Our schedules don’t sync and so we really won’t have a reason to talk to each other unless we need something.

And then my coworkers. They’re all really cool, but at the end of the day the only thing that keeps us connected is the job. Would we still be friends if I didn’t work there anymore? I don’t know. Maybe.

So what does friendship really mean in terms of love? A temporary love? The kind of love that is conditional? Sounds conditional to me.

Onto the next. The love of your life. Now, I haven’t had any success in this part of my life, so I can only talk about what I’ve seen…or what I imagine it to feel like. But I think it has a lot to do with the intimacy. You’re close to someone in a different way. In a way that is deeper than most because you add in the love of both family and friendship, and then add a sexual chemistry to it. Throw some vulnerability in there too and it seems like you’re all set.

This topic is very interesting to me because love is a powerful thing. But I feel like most of don’t truly know what love is. I can only hope that we begin to find out its meaning someday.

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Well that is all for this post. I am finally in my own place, so I have the mental freedom to post whenever I want. I already have some other topics that I would like to speak about as well, so it will not be another month or two before you see me again.

See you soon!

Ok, I will start this out by apologizing for not posting in a little while, especially after I said I was going to start posting more often and then did the exact opposite. Haha

But anyway, I just wanted to drop this post here. I am letting you all know that I have some things that I’m going to be talking about at some point in the future.

Vague?

I know.

See you soon.

Is it me or does it seem like this week is moving faster than last week? Last week was a 4-day week that felt forever, while now in this 5-day week I’m thinking “My Tuesday work day is almost over”… It’s really weird.

I remember back in the day wishing that we had 4-day work weeks, but based off of last week, I think that would be awful…at least for the first few weeks. I’m sure I’d get used to it eventually, but I think there’s something special about the 5-day week.

This is a random thought, but I felt that I needed to get this out. Haha

Hey guys! I wanted to tell you that I will be posting more often. There are some other things that I would like to talk about on the blog, but they might not always be that serious. In fact you might see more mobile posts like this one, so I think the newfound freedom will be a good thing.

Also, I wanted to thank those of you who like my posts and follow my blog! I really appreciate it. So thank you all.

See you sooner than later!

In my last post Wisdom Aftermath, I told you all that I was going to dive deeper into my moving into my first single apartment. Here we go.

So in January of 2017, my resolution was to move into my own apartment. I lived with my parents up until then, and at 23 years old I felt that I was going to be ready to move into my own place. At that time I was working in Pennsylvania and I was making good enough money to afford a cheap one bedroom nearby. So I figured I would save up for a down payment and maybe in September I would be set to move in.

Well…that happened. Kind of.

My friend Dave got me an interview for the job back in 2016, and I ended up working on the same team as him. Things were going well, but then the company got bought out by a larger company and so they ended up eliminating our position at the office.

It was kind of funny how this happened, because when they told us that they were eliminating most of the positions they also offered everyone the opportunity to move out to Dallas. The moment they told us that, I was already sold on going.

Dave however, was not happy about this. He had a lot going on his life at the time and finding out that he was losing his job just made things worse.

Me being a good friend, I pretty much said “I’m going with or without you.” After we heard the job’s offer, we both ended up saying that we were gonna make the move.

Now this is where the apartment situation comes in.

If you’ve read my post a few weeks ago (Friendship), you’d know my moving history. If you didn’t read it, then to keep it brief…I moved a lot…. Alright, and so I was all set and ready to move into my own place out in a city and state that I’ve never been to before. But Dave certainly wasn’t ready for that.

Dave had the life that I wish I had for many years. He had grown up in the same place all his life. He has the same friends that he’s known since he was in school. He has the best friend that’s like a brother. He has all the memories and such that come with it…I’m not bitter. I promise.

And so while I, Mr. Loner Outcast (nice to meet you all), was ready to be on my own. Dave wasn’t quite ready to do that. And so even though I wanted my own space, I decided to go ahead and live in a roommate situation. And so…And so….And so…

….I’m not gonna say that it was the worst decision I could’ve made…yeah, definitely not the worst. However, I should’ve stuck to my guns about us maybe living on our own places, but maybe staying in the same apartment complex.

I am 5 years younger than Dave, but I am an old soul. He likes to be around people, so he surrounds himself with friends and girls. I’m an introvert who likes his alone time. There’s a few small things that he does that bugs me. I’m sure I do some things that bug him too.

I try not to make a big deal out of anything because it’s his home too, so he should be able to live how he wants.

That should go for me as well, but I am unable to live the way I’d like to because that would mean not having a roommate. Haha

And so I have been finding ways to exist over the last year. Our lease is up in late August, but I plan to be gone at the start of month.

I am very much looking forward to having my own space to be free. I’ll be able to be as artistic and as creative as I want to be. I’ll be able to actually utilize my entire apartment and not have to be considerate of anyone but myself.

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Now to clarify, just in case I wasn’t clear about this, me wanting to live alone isn’t really about Dave. I love the guy, but I just have no desire to live with anyone.

I can honestly say that I would rather live in a shoe box alone than in a luxury palace with a roommate.

#SorryNotSorry #DrowningRoommate #AndSo #MyBirthdayIsOnFriday

See ya next week!

Hey! This is a quick mobile post.

So I had a dry socket problem that I ended up using home remedies to get rid of. It wasn’t pleasant, but I healed faster than what is normally predicted. I can eat solids again and I am taking a little less Advil every day, so I’m happy.

However, I have been super distracted lately. Bouncing from project to project and thinking about my near future. I am going to be moving into my first single apartment soon and I am really excited. I plan to go into more detail about this in my next post so stay tuned.

I apologize for not having something better to talk about this week, but I think it’s only going to get better from here…. Hopefully.

Please not me know if you have any wisdom teeth horror stories.

Alright, friends. Til next week!

#WisdomTeethRemoval

That is all.

Haha No, well I mean yes. Yes, I just got my wisdom teeth out yesterday, but no as in there will be more to this post.

I have been healing up pretty quick. I have had very little pain so far, but I decided to continue with my days off from work just in case in things take a turn.

I really hope they don’t.

One thing I’ve come to learn about getting out your wisdom teeth is all of the stories that people have about getting their’s out. I came a cross so many co-workers telling me their stories looking to prepare me for what’s to come, and sad to say but my story is nothing noteworthy.

I went in, got drugged, got my teeth removed, and left. My roommate took me home, I ate a bunch of children’s GoGURTS, I slept, I crocheted a bit to make sure the pills weren’t affecting my brain…and they actually weren’t. I swapped between gauze for the blood, and the ice packs that were strapped to my face.

The WORST part of it was that my jaw, bottom lip, and my tongue were numb for like 12 hours. I made the mistake of putting in the symptoms online and I read about nerve damage that could last for days or weeks. The numbness went away slowly to the point where literally one half was numb. I felt like Two-Face.

I’m happy to say I woke up this morning and I can feel my face. Success!

The Black Wed_d00b_05c

But yeah, that’s not all I wanted to talk about this week, though at this point I don’t see the point in trying to go into anything deeper or more meaningful…

Let’s call this a happy post. See ya next week!

I have been thinking a lot about friendship lately, and how I really suck at it.

To give you some history on my life, I was born in San Diego, California. I left there at 4 and began school at the age of 5 in Orlando, Florida in 1998. Following that timeline, everything I learned about friendship and communication as a kid happened in a world with very little social media. MySpace came around in the early 2000s, but it didn’t matter because me and all of my friends were too young to use it.

Now, I was a shy kid. And one thing to note us by us shy children is that we really grasp on to those who begin talking to us. It may not mean much to them, but it means a lot to us because we know that no one is obligated to talk to us, or make us feel welcome.

SO I started kindergarten at Riverdale Elementary School where I made some friends, but I don’t even remember who they are. By first grade I was going to a school called Cypress Springs Elementary. I made some good friends there as well, and we got to spend a good 4 years together before I moved away right before 5th grade started. Those people were awesome. I even had a girlfriend for about a week….Good times.

Then I went to three different schools in 5th grade alone; Pinecrest Elementary (ew), a school at a boys home that my parents were working at called Green Isle Children’s Ranch, and then Riverside Elementary. Every friend that I bonded with, I ended up leaving them behind. Keep in mind that I was too young for MySpace and on top of that, very few kids had cell phones. So to stay in touch, I would need to write everyone’s home numbers down and then hope my parents would let me use the home phone to call them. But that wasn’t much of an option because I lived with quite a bit of extended family, and the adults needed the phone more than the kids. I’m not complaining, just explaining….but more friends were lost.

That led into 3 different middle schools, one for each grade (6,7,and 8). I met some great people in the 6th grade at Glenridge Middle School. The same grade that my mother FORCED me into band. But that actually turned out to be a good thing so I’m not mad about it anymore. At that school I was the token boy in a group full of girls. Some thought I was dating this one girl because we hung out a lot, but we weren’t. We were just really good friends….. Anyways, by this point, I knew it was a matter of time before we would part ways so I made sure they all knew that I was going to be moving soon. And I was right. I left Glenridge partly after school started in the 7th grade.

At that point I gave up on trying to make friends. I was tired of losing touch with everyone I’ve ever met, so I started to wear black everyday and I stopped talking. This was at Liberty Middle School. But then something happened. At the end of 7th grade in the last band class this girl named Teresa started talking to me. And she wouldn’t stop. So I ended up chatting with her, and then a guy named Carlos showed up and I talked to him too. A few minutes later we were playing catch with a bean bag or something.

The summer came and went, 8th grade started and it felt like no time passed. I was talking to Teresa and Carlos, and then some other folks. THEN WE MOVED AGAIN. Off to Odyssey Middle School for the 8th grade. I shut down again, but this time was worse than before. People tried to get me to have a conversation with them, but I would tell them that there was no point in trying. It became a game for me. A quiet game. How many people would try and fail to befriend me? Haha

9th Grade started and I was going to the Colonial High School 9th Grade Center, where 9th graders from Glendridge, Liberty, and Odyssey all came together. I ended up connecting with my band friends from Glenridge and Liberty again. That was when I opened up a bit to allow some of the Odyssey kids to go from associates to friends.

However, I knew to keep everyone at arms length. We were friends, but I knew the day was coming when all of that would be over. It happened two years later in the 11th grade when I moved out of Florida and into Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. On the bright side, it was like 2010 and so me and all of my friends were old enough to have Facebook pages. I ended up staying connected with a small fraction of high school friends, so that move wasn’t too bad.

But in all of that time I was watching a lot of kids shows where the lead characters had at least one best friend to go through thick and thin with. And that made me feel very lonely because I never had that. All I had was family, which is great, but it would have been nice to feel like someone out there loves me by choice and not because “we’re family”.

During all of these childish friendships, I remember seeing that the others were closer with each other than they were with me. When I was old enough to have a cell phone I would text people and most of the time no one would text me back. Then I’d get to school the next day and hear about how the others were talking all the time.

It sucked, but I became okay with that fact a few years ago when I learned that no one can really make me happy. I would need to find that happiness for myself. Hooray for growth!

But then that brought up another set of problems when I met my roommate, Dave, back in 2016. Through meeting him I realized that I didn’t know how to be a friend. To be honest I was quite obsessive. We chatted a lot about WWE (professional wrestling) and sometimes about girls, a little about life, etc). It was great. But then one time I sent him a text and he didn’t reply for hours. I was convinced I said the wrong thing or maybe he got hurt, but in reality he was just busy…I was slapped with the fact that I needed to turn down the crazy.

So I did that (it wasn’t as simple as I make it sound, but I did it), and then I started to morph into the dependable guy. The responsible one that always has his stuff together and is able to help those who don’t. That caused me to be the one that people are constantly taking from, but are rarely giving back to. Meaning that you can come to me to vent about your life, but I can’t vent about my life to you.

So even now in 2018 I still struggle with learning how to let people in, mostly because none of the punks around me give me the chance to open up. Ha! But this is why I blog. I want people to get to know me and I would like to know my readers as well.

One last thing I learned about friendship over the years is that it’s okay to allow people to grow up and to meet others. Your friends will have other friends that they may talk to more, but it doesn’t always mean that you guys aren’t friends as well, or that you guys don’t love each other.

The Black Wed_d00b_05d

That is my take on friendship. What do you think about the topic? Please comment and let me know!